Real Live Mormon Women

3
by Eric Samuelsen
March 29, 2014
Plan B Theatre, Salt Lake City UT

When a character in a play speaks a truth plucked from your own heart that no one understands, you begin to wonder if people will really understand the play.  You wonder if people will get it or if they will walk away feeling like all of their prejudices have been confirmed.  The play is Eric Samuelsen's 3 and I fear the likelihood is high that the outcome will be the latter.

3 is a series of short pieces about Mormon women and in many ways it is uncanny how Eric, who to my knowledge has never been a Mormon woman, captures some of the struggles faced by Mormon women.  One thing he fails to capture, though, are any of the triumphs.  Sure, Kel (in the first piece, Bar and Kel) does end up having a personal relationship with her visiting teaching "project" and comes to recognize what is wrong with Bar's approach to service, but she still plays the part of Bar's faithful #2 to the end.  Bar herself is a woman we are all familiar with, but she becomes a caricature of the pushy Relief Society sister.  We all got to pat ourselves on the back for being so much more enlightened than she was because we never saw her humanity.  We never really understood her.  People are rarely so simple and completely awful in their motivations.

Even so, I looked at her and felt mortified again for every visiting teaching fumble I've ever committed.  I thought, "Is that how people see me?": the less active sister who called the Bishop to complain I was stalking her when I left two messages on her cell phone in a 4 week period, the sister who wanted to get her GED but didn't want to study, any little slice of my life where people who have already made their minds up about the Mormons could point and say, "See!  They're pushy!  They only care about their own agenda.  All they think about is appearances...I was right."  Ok.  So maybe you are right sometimes.  But there are so many more times when you are wrong.

The second piece, Community Standard, was heartbreaking in its veracity.  You could tell that Janeal's monologue struck a cord in the audience when she asked a rhetorical question and a woman in the audience called out the answer ("Did he ever listen?" "NO!").  Struggling with how the power dynamic in pornography played out in her own life, I loved how this was manifest in recurring dreams of being on the Titanic and "girl porn," where the main character doesn't get an unrealistic sexual response but, instead, a sensitive male response that doesn't align with her reality.  For all of its nuances, though (her journey of self-realization was striking), it still felt like a moment where someone could say "See!  I was right about them."  As a playwright I recognize that you can't tell all stories at once.  The fact that not all Mormon marriages have this dynamic does not negate the fact that some marriages do.  But acknowledging in such a powerful way that some Mormon marriages do have this dynamic while sitting in a theater in Salt Lake City (a town that feels like Ground Zero for Entrenched Anti-Mormons) made me, as a faithful LDS woman, feel way too vulnerable.  I acknowledge both sides of the coin on this topic and my harshest critics--I say my critics instead of "critics of the church" because attacking my religion is attacking my core--my harshest critics seem to only acknowledge one side of the coin.  I don't think anyone wants to pull back a bandage to show the wounds of their culture while people are standing around ready to poke it with a sharp stick.  I recognize that I may be being too sensitive here.  I blame it on one too many pokes with a sharp stick.

The third piece, Duet, is the one that resonated the most with me, at first because of my many years as Ward Music Chairperson and then because of the beautifully sympathetic portrayal of Sondra, a woman who finds herself in an impossible situation (one that I've never been in, but that I can deeply sympathize with).  Using singing as a metaphor for emotional intimacy, the piece explores how we support each other and how we let each other down.  Sondra's story unfolds as a series of contrasts: beauty they can't keep their eyes off/ugliness they can't bring themselves to look at, perfection/imperfection, harmony/disharmony, acceptance/rejection.  Sondra appears to reject the choir sisters when, in fact, she is dealing with entirely different issues.  This should soften the rejection of Sondra at the end because we have seen that surface appearances don't even come close to telling the whole story, but it doesn't.  What I most wanted here was for one moment in the play to expose some beauty rather than some more awfulness.  Could the "typical" Relief Society sister not have gone to her friend in the end?  Did she have to walk away?  I know there are people who walk away, but there have been so many times that I have seen sisters not walk away.  Could that sister have a voice in this play too?  Could the other side of the argument have a "See!  I was right!" moment too?

Perhaps I misspoke when I wondered whether or not people would understand this play.  I really wonder if people understand that the spectrum of human experience applies to the Mormon experience too and that looking at one end of the spectrum doesn't invalidate the other end.  Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the play, though.  Perhaps I'm not getting it.  Perhaps my assumption of sympathetic understanding is entirely off base.  Perhaps if I said to my friend Eric that "I would give anything to sing with that man for the rest of my life" he would feel only kind-hearted pity and thank his lucky stars that he isn't as misguided as I am.  I hope not.