Joyful Noise: The Grandness of Handel's Messiah in a Most Intimate Little Box

Joyful Noise
Covey Center
December 5-21, 2013

Here's what is both wonderful and problematic about seeing a show in a small black box theater: you're so close to the action that you feel a part of it.  You feel compelled to say amen at the end of sermons; you have to stop yourself from helping with set changes; you want to join in on the chorus of songs you know.  Being an audience member in a traditional space is like wearing a hood or a veil--you get to observe from a comfortable distance (both physically and emotionally).  Being an audience member in a black box challenges that.  There is no emotional buffer and I have to admit that when this play touched on deeply emotional subjects (like the healing power of the Atonement), I felt a little naked without that buffer.  After all, I could see right into their eyes.  I could see right into their souls.  Could they see into mine?

You're probably not as neurotic as I am, but it gives you an idea of how intimate this production is.  The play presents some difficult images--the forcible removal of an infant from her mother (on stage), sexual assault (off stage) and its aftermath (on stage), and heartbreak in its various forms.  The staging lays these all in the audience's lap, which can be jarring.  More often than not, though, there is solace to be found, so after our hearts break from Susannah's (Anna Daines Rennaker's) wrenching description of her abuse at the hands of her husband we, too, are wrapped in Mrs. Pendarve's warm embrace. 

Lynne D. Bronson's portrayal of Mary Pendarves was one of the most delightful parts of the production.  She was hilarious without making the character ridiculous and was, consequently, totally endearing in her unwavering adoration of "the Master" (Scott Bronson's Handel) and her fierce loyalty to Susannah (Anna Daines Rennaker).  Plus, as mentioned above, her very being was the tight hug we all needed in light of Susannah's revelations, Handel's disappointments, the King's mourning, and Eggerton's spiritual struggles.

I also loved the journey of Kat Webb's Kitty Clive.  She threw herself so whole-heartedly into the negative aspects of her character that her transformation when singing Handel's Messiah was stunning.  Also, a note to the costume designer: I loved the little bit of patching done on the back of her dress.  It was just the sort of detail that can only play in this small of a setting and it was a perfect stroke for Kitty.  I also loved Susannah's second dress--so light and sweet and beautiful!  It made us all fall in love with her.  Well, it was the dress and Anna Daines Rennaker's ability to tug at your heartstrings and blow you away musically.  It has got to be incredibly difficult to sing a role where the quality of your voice is so built up from the very beginning.  No pressure or anything, but you've got to sing so sweetly that the angels would weep. And she does.

Each of the actors in this small cast does an excellent job.  Patrick W. Kintz manages to make the ostensible villain of the story a nuanced and earnest character and Travis Hyer's George II pulls off vulnerable (difficult to do when portraying a king) and funny without appearing weak or stupid.  I especially loved when he was giving Egerton a good natured poke about the books he was railing against.  M. Cameron Bench's John Christoper Smith (Handel's business manager) was the audience's right hand man too and he never let us down.  He exuded confidence and competence and conveyed information organically within the scene.  Adam Argyle's Charles Jennens was a great foil for Handel's explosive personality.  The physical contrast between the actors was a wonderful visual and Argyle's portrayal highlighted the differences between these two creative men.

Handel, the central character in this play (whose plot I neglected to mention--it explores the events surrounding the writing of the classic oratorio The Messiah) was portrayed by J. Scott Bronson.  Even in his ragings, Bronson's Handel was incredibly likable.  He may be bitter and disappointed but he's still lovable.  Because of that approach to the character we readily and easily forgive him his follies and weep with him when he feels the power of Christ's Atonement deeply as he contemplates the words of the songs that are now so famous.  Bronson connected with the audience with ease, which made the entire production work.  His journey became our journey and his tears our tears. 

The play ends with the entire cast singing the Hallelujah Chorus, which is the final blow for anyone attempting a stoic response to this piece.  So don't fight it; bring your hankies and have a good cry.  It'll be good for your soul.

The Monkey's New Life Plan

The Nightingale
BYU
October 8, 2013

The monologue from the theater to the car went something like this: "When I'm a grown-up I am going to come back and be in that place.  Are you clear?  I am clear on this.  I am going to be one of those people in that show when I am bigger.  I am going to do that!  I am going to be the nightingale!  Or maybe another show.  Or maybe this show with more characters.  And a kid is going to come and say that when she is a grown up she will be in a show too.  I am clear on this.  Are you clear?  I am clear."  So, if I'm clear on what she's saying, my little 4 year old Monkey would like to grow up to be an actress.  Preferably an actress like the one who portrayed the title character in the show we just saw.  And she has already determined that she will, in her adult life, inspire children to follow in her as yet untrodden footsteps.  I love this kid so much!

Actually, this is the second time we have seen the show (she would like us to go a third time but my pocketbook will only stretch so far).  The first time we saw the show, she leaned over to me and whispered as the Nightingale (Nicole Dugdale) came on stage, "Mom!  That's the prettiest girl I have ever seen!"  Here she is, by the way, with the Monkey and her older sister:

The show is a retelling of a Hans Christian Andersen tale and the performances were influenced by the Peking Opera.  Apparently the cast went to China to study with the Peking Opera and research for this show.  Oh, BYU students, I hope you know how lucky you are!  Back in the day, we didn't have such exotic field trips.

It's hard to say what delighted us most about this show.  We were all engaged but in different ways.  My older daughter could not stop laughing.  She loved the goofiness of the Emperor (Jordan Nicholes) and found each character's symbolic physical gesture hilarious every time he or she did it (especially Clayton Cranford's Young Man's vocalization).  The Monkey loved that too but was especially entranced with the visual element.  The costume designer (Donette Perkins) deserves kudos for designing costumes that were simple and looked easy to move in but that also had eye catching details that created visual interest.  The Monkey especially loved the fake mustaches and beards.  I wish I had taken a picture because the glorious thing about them is the fact that they were fake in a way that was very conscious of its fake-ness.  They were not fake facial hair; they were a theatrical indication of facial hair.  I loved it!  I want my own for our next family picture (though I do still love our own crochet beards)!  Also, the Nightingale was plain in her clothing but had a demure and yet beautiful headdress--a perfect representation of the Nightingale herself.  I really liked the Narrator's (Cossette Hatch's) Chinese style makeup with the striking red eyes too.  She was the character whose makeup most approached what we think of when we think of Chinese theatrical makeup, which made her stand out and visually highlighted her role as the Narrator.

The entire cast was strong but the three that stood out to me were the Narrator (Cossette Hatch), I-Ming (Jennifer Bozeman) and Death/Emperor of Japan (Noah Kershisnik).  The Narrator caught the children's attention quietly and managed to keep them as she slipped in and out of the scene easily.  Her performance never seemed forced and she really felt like the audience's advocate and confidante.  The actress playing I-Ming had a similar ease to her performance that was very engaging.  Her very face seemed to transform as she moved from character to character.  My favorite performer, though, was Noah Kershisnik, who had such focus and precision that it seemed as if nothing (short of a police raid of the theater) would draw his attention from the core of his character.  He was 100% present every time he stepped on stage and so each of the characters he portrayed was vibrant and compelling.

The whole experience was delightful.  50 minutes is the perfect length for a children's show (no intermission to navigate!) and the inclusion of Chinese dialogue was interesting without being overly foreign (plus we all got a kick out of saying the few Mandarin words we know to the Chinese Narrator (Esmeralda Veda) after the show).  The Monkey absolutely loved meeting the cast after the show.  We were the very last people to leave the first time we saw the show and just about the last people to leave the second time.  She didn't quite know what to say to them but was over the moon that they paid attention to her (special thanks to Jennifer Bozeman for being so funny about the cute shirt she was wearing.  She retold that story over and over again.  "She thought I was a giraffe!").  Thank you, BYU, for a wonderful evening!

The World's Largest Gathering of Chevron Maxi Skirts

Time Out for Women
September 13-14, 2013
Logan, Utah

I hadn't thought to blog about this until one of the Saturday afternoon presenters really spoke to my writerly side. I came at the behest of my sister, who has been a Time Out for Women (TOFW) volunteer in Logan for a number of years.  Although I have long loved the work of the presenters (I even follow Hilary Weeks on Facebook and enjoyed her vacation-pictures-with-washing-machine meme immensely), I was a little hesitant about the event.  It seemed like the same sort of crowd that was lining up the day before the Twilight Marathon at your local Cineplex.  I love my Twi-hard friends but we obviously have very different opinions of what constitutes a fulfilling day.

I'm glad to report that this was a babysitter-worthy event, with no domestic-violence-promoting vampires in sight (though it was a little disturbing to witness the pandemonium when the Hudson Lights cuties came on stage.  Ladies--we are not pre-teens at a Beatles concert).  The whole thing was a great mix of serious and fun--with general hilarity casting extremely poignant personal and spiritual moments in high relief--and even though it was a little odd to clap after saying "amen," somehow it worked.

My first "ping" as a writer came when Mary Ellen Edmunds talked about praying and asking Heavenly Father for time to think and ponder.  I know this isn't unique to my situation but as a single mom it is very difficult to carve out time for thinking, pondering, and writing.  The time I do find seems like a miracle.  Praying for that miracle was a light bulb for me (I had forgotten that I used to do that!). 

Likewise, Jennifer Platt Brinkerhoff's lecture resonated with the writer in me because I do actively try to find the parable in life experiences in my poetry and creative nonfiction pieces.  I loved how she would tell stories and then remind us (multiple times) to not get so caught up in the story that we miss the message.  That trained us in a small way to step back and see the meaning.  It gave the audience several opportunities to feel what it was like to do what she was advocating (thus making it more likely that we would be successful trying this at home).  I also loved the idea of asking if our routines reflect what we claim to value.  Coupling that with the idea of ritualizing your routine (finding meaning in the small things we do every day) brought home the fact that I need to spend my time doing what I most value: working because I value independence and want to provide for my children, baking because I want us to be healthy, creating art because it delights my soul etc.

As for the rest of the day, I don't think I can do it justice in a short review.  From Sandra Turley's heart-wrenching journey to motherhood and soaring soprano voice to Kris Belcher's self-deprecating humor and emotional honesty (my favorite line: the problem with going blind is that all of the hot movie stars have lost their looks), it was a day full of the sorts of things that squeeze your heart.  We heard from Brad Wilcox (who never fails to be both funny and insightful), Terryl and Fiona Givens (whose thoughtful discussion challenged common notions of the "Dark Ages"), Hudson Lights (easy on the eyes and easy on the ears with their flawless harmonies and winning smiles), and Sheri Dew (who always manages to be both a person to look up to and a person you could lock arms with.  If I ever fly through Africa I'd like her to be my traveling companion!).

All of this was punctuated on Saturday by the music and musings of Hilary Weeks.  Her music was the impetus for a couple of really cool moments on Saturday.  The first was when she was singing "Dancing in the Rain" and mentioned a polka dot umbrella.  Halfway up the auditorium someone opened up their polka dot umbrella and began waving it.  This led to umbrella after umbrella opening (it was a rainy week and people were prepared for inclement weather).  It was such a lovely expression of the joy bursting through the room.  I wish I was the sort of person who is prepared for inclement weather!  I opened the umbrella in my heart instead.

The second moment was when she sang "I Will" and invited us to join her on the chorus.  The third time we all stood and the entire auditorium sang:

"I will stand.
I will not fall.
In a world that's weak,
I will be strong.

I'll be true.
I will choose His way.
Yeah, I know what's right
And I will not change.
In a world where so many will not,
I will."

I was tempted to pull out my phone and record it, but decided I wanted to experience it without a filter.  Because of that you'll have to just take my word for it: that kind of unity is powerful.  A huge auditorium of faithful women audibly and directly affirming their desire to stand up for good brought the Spirit flooding in.  If the umbrellas were visual joy, this was audible and visual faith.  As a writer of faith, this was tremendously strengthening in both a spiritual way and a writerly way.

I love those times when a large group seems to beat with one heart.  I remember being in a regional conference in Ohio when the Columbus temple was announced.  So many of us who had sacrificed and driven hours to be at the conference were the same ones who had sacrificed and driven hours to go to the Washington DC temple regularly (the closest temple: 6 hours away).  It felt like we all had the same reaction in the minute following the announcement--like the entire stadium was one person, bursting with joy.  I count myself lucky to have experienced that moment and I count myself lucky to have been in Logan, Utah on a Saturday morning when a group of women with different lives, different tastes, and different backgrounds became one person bursting with faith.

A note to Deseret Book, though: maybe you should start doing some marketing specifically geared to hipsters.  Maybe some ironic chevron products like mustard and navy chevron knee socks a la Mary Ellen Edmunds?  If you make them I'll wear them next year!

Nothing Kills an Evening Like Being Denied a Krispy Kreme

Bedtime Stories

Timpanogos Storytelling Festival

August 30, 2013

Provo, Utah

Nothing could be more pleasant than sitting in the cool canyon breezes and being entertained by delightful storytellers.  Well, nothing except ending the aforementioned evening with a Krispy Kreme donut.  This is why the Bedtime Stories event at the Timpanogos Storytelling Festival has been a favorite event for my little family over the years.  Imagine my pain, then, when we wandered up to the donut table as usual and after handing a donut to each of my sweet girls they did not hand one to me. 

“Are there no donuts for Mommies?” I asked jovially (such a ridiculous question, I know!)

The overly cheery reply should have tipped me off that this was no joke.  “We have coupons for buy a dozen get a dozen free at the end of the table!”

“Seriously.  There aren’t any donuts for Mommies?”  This could not be happening.  I know I’m not 5 years old, but I do have a heart.  And a stomach.  And you’re dangling my favorite donut right there in front of my face.  And I’m starving.  And this really isn’t the time of month to be denying me sugar.  (Not to get too personal or anything.)  And, by the way, I have a ticket just like my kids do.  In fact, I paid for all of the tickets.  And the advertising for this event just said that donuts would be served after the readings, not that parents would be arbitrarily denied donuts just because they are old enough to drive their children to this event, pay for the tickets for this event, supervise their children at this event, herd their children through the long line for this event, and keep their children from throwing their napkins on the ground after this event.  I think I’m a person you want to keep happy, folks, and this can be accomplished by GIVING ME A DONUT.

Bigger smile: “We have coupons at the end of the table!”

“Are you telling me there are no donuts for Mommies?”  Yes.  That is in fact what they were telling me.  Move on, sister.  The pain was compounded when I discovered that the other mommies in my group just took a donut without waiting to be served one and therefore only got the stink eye from the volunteers.  I should have been more brazen.  (In fact, I was more brazen when they were packing up the MANY MANY boxes of leftover donuts at the end.  I walked right up and said, “NOW are there donuts for Mommies?”  There were.)

I feel better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest.

Like I said, I love this event.  I love the venue.  I love the smiles and the laughs and the look of sheer delight on my children’s faces.  Love it.  My daughter is a budding writer and I feel like I am feeding her start too by coming to something like this.

The Bedtime Stories event is aimed at kids and features a mix of adult storytellers and kids.  I asked my kids which was their favorite and we all agreed: the little boy who told the story “Don’t Let the Pigeon Ride the Bus.”  It’s no surprise, really, because we love the book.  The little boy (Bridger Backus) was so tiny—five?—but he certainly held his own on stage, especially considering the storyteller he followed (Carmen Deedy).  She was from Cuba and was the most engaging of all of the storytellers.  Her story, a call and repeat tale about a rooster and his diamond button, was hilarious because of her asides and the opportunity we had to be a part of the story.  Each of the little girls pounded their fists with gusto: “Give me back my diamond button!” and we learned the important lesson that “he who has the king’s underwear has the king’s attention.”  I get the feeling she wanted us to apply this to current events and instigate a Political Panty Raid.  Or maybe she had just read one of my favorite British children's picture books, "The Queen's Knickers."

The little boy’s story also included audience participation but because it was a well known story, no instruction was necessary.  We all knew to shout out “NO!” every time the pigeon made his request.  He was so cute in his pigeon costume and didn’t seem to have even one misstep (or maybe just one).  We were all quite taken with him. 

Two other child storytellers (older) performed as well as two more adults.  My older daughter and I were engaged the whole time, but my 4 year old lost interest after the pigeon (she and her cousin had a delightful time shooting plastic arrows at my head for the rest of the evening).  Leah Jacobsen and Mason Watts were fun storytellers with stories that had a humorous twist.  Laura Pershin Raynor told a delightful story of growing up by a zoo and dreaming of lollipops that were “bigger than my head.”  I loved the image of falling asleep to the sounds of lions roaring and the visceral image of biking home with the sticky mess of a lollipop under her arm.  I think there was a collective shudder along the entire row when she told us that!  Ed Stivender told the sweet tale of “The Man in the Moon in Love” and ended with the crowd-pleasing 50 Ways to Fool Your Mother (moral of the story: you can’t fool your mother.  This went over well with the Mommy Crowd.  Also, you can’t go wrong when an older white guy really commits to performing a rap.  It’s just funny.  I’m sure someday I will tire of it, but this was not that day.)  My daughter was especially pleased with Ed’s performance because he also came to her school earlier in the week and did a special assembly (which she tells me was equally funny and wonderful).  Thank you, Ed, for taking the time to go out to the schools!

It was after this that, full of laughter and smiles, we wandered down for donuts (see above rant).  But after the donut debacle we had a pleasant end to the evening, chatting in the beautiful park while our kids played tag, pleased to have heard people play with language with just as much wild abandon.  We must go to more events next year!  And I’ll bring my own sugar.

World Autism and Asperger Conference, Salt Lake City 2013

This isn't a creative venue but it was definitely something that "fed my start" by recharging my mommy batteries.  Having a child on the Autism Spectrum means that every day involves figuring out a complex puzzle.  Things that work one day do not work the next.  Perspectives you take for granted are not shared by your child.  It is easy to get a little burnt out.  Going to this conference really energized me and gave me a great perspective on helping my daughter as she grows up (she's 10 now).  What follows are my notes from the three day conference held in Salt Lake City by the US Autism and Asperger Association (Aug 15-18, 2013).  It really only scratches the surface as far as what was presented because I could only attend one session at a time (there were generally three speakers to choose from) and I only wrote down the things that resonated with me personally.  I've had many requests to share my notes, though, so I thought it would be helpful to make them more generally available.  I wish everyone with a child on the Spectrum could have come to hear the panel of adults with Asperger's tell about their struggles and triumphs.  They were such strong, self-assured self-advocates: something every mother wants for her child regardless of whether he or she is neurotypical or struggling with Autism.  It was very inspiring to see them because in these early years it is hard to see further down the road, to see that the child who is having a meltdown in front of you will eventually be able to not just survive but thrive.

I have arranged the notes in the order of the sessions at the conference, with the session title and speakers in bold.  References to "the child" or "kids" in this context refers to children on the Autism Spectrum.

Temple Grandin (Keynote Speaker)

First of all, she is a really engaging speaker.  She certainly has limitations, but she is fun and compelling.  It was really wonderful to see her and know how far she has come.  Her main thrust was that we need to not coddle our children and foster independence.  A couple of things I jotted down from her speech:

•  Never have sudden surprises 
•  Give children a choice rather than just imposing something on them (the example she gave was when her mom wanted her to go visit her aunt’s farm.  She couldn’t choose not to go but she could choose whether to go for two weeks or for the entire summer.) 
•  Children are better able to tolerate sounds when the child initiates it (example: have the child be the one to turn on the blender) 
•  Teach with specific examples (bottom up thinking).  She said that she has a problem with generalizing things so she has to have specific examples. 
•  Encourage social interaction through shared interests (don’t force them to do things they don’t care about just for the social interaction) 
•  Don’t just say no—give instruction as to what they should be doing instead. 
•  Fear is the main emotion in Autism—Temple’s fear center is 3 times larger than typically developing brains. 
• We must start early preparing our kids for employment: jobs for teenagers, professional mentors, visiting workplaces, reading trade journals.

Collaborative Multi-Disciplinary Team Approaches for Autism Interventions in Schools – Marlo Payne Thurman, MS; Sandra R Wise, PsyD; Raun K. Kaufman; Kim Korpady

This was a panel discussion with four different behavioral specialists.  It was really interesting and I went to the individual lectures for a couple of them so more specialized information can be found later in my notes.  Here are some things I jotted down during the session:

• The goal is not to make our kids typical but to harness their skills/strengths. 
•  If you can cut down on the sensory overload in the classroom (less clutter, lower light etc.) then the child can focus on what is being taught. 
•  Give the kids some control over their environment. 
•  Help older kids to be able to verbalize their needs. 
•  Kids need to learn flexibility.  They need to work that muscle regularly or they will develop cognitive rigidity.

The Detection and Treatment of the Most Common Biochemical Abnormalities in Autism – William Shaw, PhD

This one was interesting but less than helpful to me because I just have a hard time with the idea that we have to do extreme diets or take tons of supplements.  But it did get me thinking and supported my practice of making my daughter a kale smoothie every day (and now I’ve added coconut oil to the mix).  For this one I just wrote down some of the correlations between symptoms and deficiencies that he noted.

•   Sleep disturbance – iron deficiency? 
•  Eye pain/touching/poking – calcium deficiency? 
•  Social deficits – oxytocin deficiency? Cholesterol deficiency? 
•  Violent/destructive behavior – clostridia overgrowth? 
•  Looking at things sideways – Vitamin A deficiency? 
•  High strep antibodies – can cause OCD behaviors (kids with this problem often have lots of ear infections etc.) 
• Vitamin D for sleep disturbance 
•  Coconut oil is a good antifungal

Visual Social Thinking Strategies – Michael McManmon, EdD

This one was fascinating.  I had never in my life thought of taking notes in a class with pictures.  But it really works for people who are primarily visual thinkers!  The videos he showed of people talking about their experiences were very compelling.  This could be a great tool for kids who tend to get “bored” when they are supposed to take notes.  They can make the pictures as detailed as they want and it keeps them focused and on task.  The technique they used was to fold a paper in half four times to create a grid on which to take visual notes.  Students who were previously struggling often found this to be a very effective memory tool.  The speaker also runs a college prep summer program for kids on the spectrum (ages 14-16).  More information can be found at cipsummer.com.  He also recommended letting kids interact socially online because that is often an easier way to get started and comfortable with social interaction.  He recommended a website called wrongplanet.net that is a social networking type site for kids on the spectrum (I haven’t pulled it up yet to look at it).

Social Skills, Communication, and Non-Verbal Interaction: Animal-Assisted Nature Exposure – Sandra R. Wise, PsyD

This lady was really fascinating.  She works with all sorts of different kinds of kids and adults with special needs.  She has a 6000+ acre ranch with herds of wild horses and cattle that she uses in her therapy sessions.  She started the session with interesting information about studies on the effect of interaction with nature on your brain.  She recommended a book called “Your Brain on Nature” and another one called “Last Child in the Woods” (and another one that I didn’t write down before the slide changed).  She said that one thing that is great about animals is that they are non-verbal so you have to learn how to read intentionality.  She said that horses are great for kids on the spectrum because they are very alike: horses are always hyper vigilant, for instance.  Learning to connect with the animals helps the kids learn how to interact with humans and how to read non-verbal cues.  It gives them confidence in human social encounters because they have been successful in animal social encounters.

 Interview with Pulitzer Prize winner Tim Page, DFA

This guy was great!  He won a Pulitzer Prize in music and was diagnosed with Asperger’s when he was 45 years old (I think when his son was diagnosed with Asperger’s).  He talked about how difficult it was growing up without a diagnosis and how hard life was for him because he didn’t understand why he was different and what to do about it.  He talked about how much better his life is now because he can self-advocate and he knows better what will help him and what situations to avoid entirely.  I think it is great to hear stories like this because even though it is hard to raise a child with Asperger’s, it is harder to be a child with no one there to advocate for them and to help them understand themselves.  This guy turned out great and has a lot going for him but our kids have a leg up because of the help we are getting for them.

Behavioral Issues and New Approaches – Raun K. Kaufman and Kim Korpady

This is the session that got me the most excited.  I really like their approach to behavioral issues.  Raun runs The Autism Treatment Center of America’s Son-Rise program (www.AutismTreatment.org), which was a program that his parents created to help him when he was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of three.  You should see him now: so gregarious!  I really liked the way they think of addressing things.  They said that rather than forcing our children to conform to a world that they don’t understand, we need to enter their world first.  Their mantra is, “they show us the way in and we show them the way out.”  Also, they reminded us to have joy in the child you have right now (rather than just focusing on things you want to help with/change).  They shared a couple of techniques with us (which I thought was wonderful—not just talking about theories, but practical techniques we can use right away).  

The first concept was “joining.”  The idea is that the repetitive/exclusive behaviors the child does (the “stim”) is a way of coping (and “island of predictability in a sea of unpredictability") and so we shouldn’t try to stamp them out.  We should participate with them and use that as a way to bond with our child.  This is not to say that you follow the child around and do whatever they do or that you participate in bad behaviors.  But rather than attempting to stop the child from doing what they love: do it with them.  If they like to line up cars in a certain way then set up your own line of cars a few feet away.  If they like to stare at a spot on the wall then stare at your own spot on the wall.  Kim told the story of a child whose stim was to find a spot on the wall and stare at it for hours.  Occasionally he would bring his hand up and carefully bring it down in front of his line of vision.  When he and his family came to the center he found his spot on the wall and began staring so the therapist (Kim) found her spot on the wall too.  When he raised his hand, she raised her hand.  Apparently they did this for three whole days (never saying a word—just staring at the wall).  At the end of the third day he just turned to her and said, “I like being here with you.”  When she asked why, he said that he liked that there was no pressure.  Talk about breaking your heart a tiny bit.  Poor kid!  It must be incredibly stressful to be in his situation.  Anyhow, after that he didn’t stim at all for the rest of their time there.  He talked and interacted with his parents and the therapist.  Pretty amazing.

They also talked about we have to get a “green light” from the child before they are able to learn something new (like being flexible etc.).  When the child gives you a red light (when they are clearly overwhelmed or having sensory issues or whatever) then that is the time to join them in their stim and build the relationship.  Then when they give you the green light you can teach them something new.  They said to write down three things your child really loves.  Play a game or interact with them related to one of those three things and in the middle introduce something that is different.  The example they gave was a girl whose repetitive/exclusive behavior was acting out the Jerry Springer show.  Apparently she couldn’t interact with anyone in any other format.  She would use a spoon or any other object as her microphone and interview people like she was Jerry Springer.  Her parents hated it, as you might imagine, and were horrified at the idea of “joining” her.  But they decided to try it and they set up her bedroom like it was a sound stage, complete with a microphone.  The girl was totally excited and they all played along, having a Jerry Springer style show.  In the middle, the mom asked the girl a question (which breaks with the show format so you would think it would upset her).  The girl wasn’t upset, though.  She answered the question without skipping a beat.  Eventually more out-of-character questions were asked and by the end (this took about 2 hours) they were all sitting in a circle having a normal conversation.  Wild, huh?

Another thing they talked about was how we need to reverse our responses to maximize the behaviors we want and minimize those we don’t.  He said we unwittingly teach our children to be challenging by our responses to challenging behavior.  He noted that behaviors like hitting/tantrums etc. is a form of communication (which is good) but we want them to communicate in another way.  He likened it to the child speaking to us in Russian.  We want them to speak to us in English.  Therefore we shouldn’t be asking “how do I stop the tantrum?” but “how can I get my child to speak in English instead of Russian?”  He said we should note what we do when confronted with challenging behaviors.  Are we teaching our kids that we understand Russian?  Basically, if tantrums get the child what he or she wants then there is no reason to stop tantruming.  Also, instead of saying, “don’t hit” we should encourage them to do the more positive behavior (because all they hear is “hit” “hit” “hit” – it is better to say something like “be gentle”).  They noted that our response to a challenging behavior is often huge while our response to sweet behavior is often small.  For instance, if a child asks you nicely to do something you might say, “Let me finish this up and I can help you in 5 minutes” but if WWIII breaks out in the other room you drop everything you are doing to go break it up.  They recommended turning the tables: give a slow, relaxed, normal reaction for behaviors we want to minimize (signaling that you don’t understand Russian) and a big, fast reaction for behaviors we want to maximize (signaling that you move when the child speaks English).

School Transitions: Elementary, High School and Beyond – Marlo Payne Thurman, MS

I really liked this lady too.  The take-away for me on this one is that we have to help our kids to be competent and independent.  It’s really easy to step in and do things for our kids and, because it does take them longer to learn things, it’s really easy for them to suddenly be 15 or 16 and not know how to do basic things that they need to know to live on their own (like navigate a grocery store).  Here are some of the things I jotted down during her lecture:

• Autistic kids have a greater range of sound that they can hear (so they can be bugged by things we can’t even hear!) 
•  Kids need down time, recovery time, and interest-based activities 
• You can ask for more frequent meetings at school.  You don’t have to stick to the annual IEP meeting.  You can have much more frequent check-in type meetings (weekly even!) 
• Middle school kids need:

a.       Formal training and practice in the skills of executive functioning

b.      Begin post-high school planning at 11 or 12

c.       You can have modified school work or shortened school day

d.      Mom -- Develop a method of communication that will work with multiple teachers

e.       Academic projects should be interest and strength driven

f.       Technology needs and uses

g.      Age appropriate social stories and scripts

h.      Social opportunities via online social media?

i.        Don’t avoid their questions: answer them fully

j.        Understand and explain “late bloomers” (aka delays in any kind of development)

k.      Teach and support self-advocacy and “niche” construction

l.        Provide clear, natural consequences for behavior

m.    Allow for privacy and personal space

n.      Offer bully-proofing strategies

Panel: Self-Advocacy – Challenges Throughout the Lifespan

This was a panel of five adults with Asperger’s (some diagnosed as children and some diagnosed as adults).  They spoke about their experiences with Asperger’s and had some very poignant things to say.  I’m sure I won’t be able to convey all of it, but what I came away with is that our kids need to make sure they know who they are and what they need.  We are not always going to be there to advocate for them.  They have to know how to advocate for themselves.  They have to know they have Asperger’s and what that means.  They have to be able to figure out what they need and how to ask for it.  Each of the people on the panel had such compelling stories.  It was a very touching and emotional session.  Several of them had siblings or friends on the spectrum that had committed suicide because they couldn’t self-advocate and they couldn’t handle the struggles they had.  They talked about how important it was to find appropriate coping strategies (one man strongly encouraged everyone to teach their kids how to meditate so that they would know how to quiet their minds).  They also talked about not caring about other people’s ignorance regarding how high functioning they are and the common perception of Autism (ie severe Autism).  They said, “You know who you are and what you need.  It doesn’t matter what other people think.”  I loved how secure they were in their own skin and I want to make sure my daugther has that same confidence.  I want her to know how much I value her independence and how much confidence I have in her abilities.

Oral Health Care for the Dental Patient with Autism – Robert E. Rada, DDS

This was an interesting session because he gave some great strategies for tackling the problem of dental care.  He acknowledged that the extreme sensitivities of kids on the spectrum make things like a dental cleaning 1000% more difficult to handle than they are for typical kids.  So with things like toothbrushing you really have to tailor it to the kid and do just what he or she can handle.  Then you can slowly increase the time spent brushing etc.  I thought it was interesting, too, how sometimes the chewing habits these kids have are really coping strategies for mouth pain and that behavior in general is sometimes highly impacted by undiagnosed dental issues.  My daughter has a really difficult time going to the dentist.  One time she bit the hygienist three times and ran out of the office (after hitting, swiping, yelling etc.).  That was a fun day.  The next visit we gave her a low dose of Valium prior to the visit and it went better (no biting) but it was still touch and go.  The scary thing, though, is that those were just regular cleaning appointments.  I dread her first cavity!  One important thing Dr. Rada said, though, was that these kids aren't generally prone to more dental problems than the rest of the population: the increase in dental issues is entirely related to how difficult it is for them to properly maintain their teeth because of the sensory issues.  So keep at it!  This stuff is important.

Strategies for the dental visit itself:

•  Have the dentist put the lead apron on the child for the cleaning (for weight) 
•  Tour the office prior to the dental appointment 
•  Limit time in the waiting room 
•  Remember the sensory issues – lights, sounds of the handpiece/suction/etc., smells, the touch of the suction tip 
•  Have a timer so she can see how much longer it will be or have the hygienist count to 5 and stop for a break (then count to 5 again etc.) 
•  They don’t have to lay back in the chair—it can be on a more comfortable incline so the child doesn’t feel as vulnerable. 
• Allow the child to say what is ok and what isn’t, but only give them a choice when there are choices (avoid overusing the word “ok” – like “I’m going to start now, ok?”  This makes the child think she can say, “No, it’s not ok.  Don’t do the cleaning!” when, in fact, the child doesn’t have a choice on that one.) 
•  Take relaxing breaths in the waiting room before the visit 
•  There is a website called “Look At Me Now” which does video self-modeling for a number of different situations.